


Not dead

by U_Bahnstation



Category: Joyeux Noël | Merry Christmas (2005)
Genre: Injury, M/M, Post-World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22189915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/U_Bahnstation/pseuds/U_Bahnstation
Summary: So many letters and no answers. Horstmayer had to go to Paris to see Audebert again.
Relationships: Audebert/Horstmayer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Not dead

Horstmayer was not sure, how many letters he had already wrote. He did it every day after the war ended.

That winter day, when they finally confessed in their feelings, they promised to survive to see each other again. He thought about this promise during long cold nights and it gave him forces to wake up next morning. He was thinking about Audebert, while endless hours in the trenches, under artillery fire, under dark or light sky, asking the God to let him meet his French one more time. And he hoped, his Frenchman was also thinking about him from time to time...

He wrote letters. But didn’t get any answers. Camille René couldn’t be dead. He didn’t want to believe in it. His Frenchman survived the war! He did it for his country, for his son and wife, he did it for him, for Horstmayer! But why, oh God, why didn’t he answer the letters?

Karl Daniel is standing near the door of the house in Rue Vavin. He must knock. Must he? Is he sure Audbert is alive? Is he sure he wants to see him? Or may be he supposes everything, that was between them, to be a stupid mistake?

Horstmayer shakes his head to drive away these thoughts. He is already here. And he has to try. He knocks.

After some moments the door opens. Young but tired woman looks at him with a question in her eyes.

\- Hello, Monsenior. 

\- Good afternoon, Madame.

\- What would you like?

Karl Daniel doesn’t know how to start. He feels so stupid at the moment, he was waiting for so long! He literally has no words...

\- Do you have a question, Monsenior?

Horstmayer effaces again. What if Camille René was dead? How can he ask about it?!

\- Yes, I wanted to know...

For gods sake, what should he say?! “Is your husband alive?” “I want to see you husband, if he was not killed” or “Why did he ignored all my letters?” Karl Daniel sighs.

\- Anna, who is there? - this voice belongs to Audebert. It’s him. He is alive. But why than...? The German gives himself no time to end this question.

\- I would like to see your husband! 

Anna looks at him sadly. 

\- I don’t think it to be a good idea for today.

\- Why not? - Karl Daniel didn’t expected such an answer.

\- It’s a long story. Just believe me. Today is not the best day. Come a little bit later. May be in some weeks. Or better in some months. I’m sorry. - she tries to close the door, but Horstmayer stopes her.

\- Please, wait. I’ve come only for two days and I really need to see him!

\- Anna, who are you talking to? - sounds out of the house again.

She shakes her head.

\- Who are you? His former colleague? Did you fight together?

\- Better tell him, I’m his friend...

\- Here is the man, dear. He tells, he is you friend. - says she loudly. And gets no answer. - He wants to see you, darling!

\- Anna, how many times did I say? No! No visits! 

\- You hear, what he says...- sighs she and neatly touches his hand, - He doesn’t want to see anyone. I’m really sorry.

What? What could happen to him, to his Frenchman? All these horrors of war, what did they do to his Audebert?

Anna tries to close the door again, but Horstmayer has already made a step inside.

\- No, please, Monsenior! 

\- Only some minutes, it won’t take much time! I promise you!

Anna hurries into the room.

\- Dear, I’ve tried to stop him! But he came inside!

\- It’s not your fault. I think, I know, who came. Leave us alone for some time. 

Horstmayer hears, how she climbs the stairs. They creak softly under her steps.

\- Come in. Don’t stand there. - says Audebert.

And Karl Daniel comes into the room. The French is sitting in the armchair, which is facing the wall. Horstmayer can see only his nape.

\- I wrote to you. Many times. I thought, you were dead. - starts he with a trembling voice.

Audebert slowly moves on his seat and tries to wake up. Horstmayer sees, how difficultly it is given to him. Leaning on the handle he stands up and turns to the German. Karl sees his face. Almost half of it looks like a one big scar. Left eye is shrouded in a blind veil. Camille René makes some hard steps and puts his hands on the armchair back. All skin on them is hardly scarred. He glances up on Horstmayer.

\- I AM dead. - says he in a whisper.

Karl Daniel views him silently. So many feelings. They full his chest and break out with a short “Dear...”

Audebert grins agonizingly.

\- Wanted to see me? - asks he sarcastically and despairingly at the same time, - Enough? Now you can go.

Horstmayer doesn’t move. 

\- Please, Karl. - Now his voice sounds imploringly, - What else do you want?

The German looks intently.

\- I said it so many times, Camille.

\- Are you serious? Look at me! This war has changed everything! 

Horstmayer shakes the head. And makes some steps closer to the Frenchman.

\- Oh, for gods sake, you are joking! - Audebert closes his face with hands.

Karl Daniel hugs him. Hugs so carefully and gently, how he was dreaming to do all these years.

\- You. I want you. 

Camille René buries into his shoulder.

\- And don’t say it ever again. Thanks God, you are not dead.

\- Is it enough?

\- It is. - Horstmayer smiles and kisses the Frenchman. His lips are still like sweet wine. 

Anna climbs down after an hour. She put Henri in bed. These two are sitting together. They are holding hands. Her husband’s head on another man’s shoulder. She sees his smile. The first smile after his return. Anna doesn’t know this man. But she is grateful. She will let him stay, if he wants to. And something tells her, both of them want it.


End file.
